TypePad Phobia

Is it just me or am I the only woman in the world who isn't sewing, baking or gardening? (or all three--at once.) And, capturing it all on camera, too. Well....CRAPOLA! (as my kids say).

I blame Typepad for this....(what's her name??).....oh yes...Betty Crocker funk that I'm in. Each time I log in to my typepad account, I am confronted with a featured blog. Right now it's a bathtub blog...and, I have to say: it's about time! Yea For Bathtubs! Cause I've about had my gut full of perfect homes, perfect yards, perfect kids, real meals, and freakin clean dogs!

See, TypePad knew it. They post a little snippet of a home, flowers, food, etc., which entices you to move to the next level. First thing you know you are lost in someone's home, wandering through the kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms, garden....and...AND.........it is all PERFECT! These blogs cause me to feel as though I need to run grab my camera and photograph all the beauty that surrounds my space. But, then, I'd have to clean it up first......."ah, shoot," as Thomas says. I DO have a beautiful home with beautiful surroundings, BUT, not sure it is as photogenic as the blogs I tour online, simply because we LIVE here and it shows.

Anyway, I can't resist taking a peek at the newest featured blog. I have come to the conclusion that the assigned "blog pickers" for TypePad features are Betty Crocker wannabe's. I am constantly bombarded by pages and pages of glorious settings..Rosy.flowers falling from gorgeous planters, photos of pies, (homemade, of course) cakes, (perfect icing), and always displayed on antique china, and a table that is dressed for the pages of Southern Living. And, these featured blogs lead to other blogs which are similar in nature. A woman can end up spending HOURS drooling over the photos, all which depict a huge fairy tale world that SOMEONE (and plenty of someone's) are living! More

About an hour ago, I was walking through the garden of a woman who is complaining because her sewing machine (sewing machine?!?) is broken. She has posted a picture of her beautiful garden as she laments below it, "today all I have are some garden photos." Well, waaaaaa! Just some old garden photos (Just kidding, I loved her blog, but....really!)

Yesterday I was lost at the daisy cottage site Daisy Delight. After touring the home, the cute dog, (and son) I came across a photo of a PERFECT banana pudding, complete with golden meringue. My thoughts went back to the days......yes, I did it too. When? I can't recall. But, several times in my life, I made banana pudding. Just not anymore. Now, I don't even grocery shop. My husband reminds me. Frequently. Then, he gives up and goes to the store. He buys bananas and vanilla wafers too, just like the lady at the daisy cottage. But, no one "does" anything with them. Long ago (after all the kids flew the coop), I decided that bananas are a food source all of their on. Peel. Eat. Done. Same with vanilla wafers. Open box. Eat. Done. But, yesterday......well, let's just say that by the time I clicked off the daisy site, I was in a terrible, rancid mood. Rancid because I realized that I have become old and stale. The daisy cottage blog reminded me. I clicked off the site and headed out the door. But the charming rooms, beautiful dog (Maggie), banana pudding, etc. etc. etc. followed me to the office.

"What the heck's the matter with you?" my daughter, Miranda, asked. "Nothing. Why?" I answered.
"You're in a bad mood, that's why." "No, I'm not," I lied. "Mom, I just tore into *Ray Simon...I can't STAND him!" she gritted her teeth, "He's such a jerk! Dad said he was NEVER using him in this business again and then here he goes, using him again!! It makes me FURIOUS!" she fumed. "What'd he do this time?" I asked. "He came in here thinking he was going to tell ME what to do! He's such an idiot! Every time he comes in, he suddenly thinks I'm his personal secretary...he doesn't write my paycheck! He comes in and starts thinking he's going to boss me around--telling me to do this and do that--wanting me to do his paperwork for him. Today, I told him, "Ray! Do I work for you??!! H-E- double hockey sticks NO...NO, I DON'T WORK FOR YOU!!" And then he is SO ignorant, he goes, 'Well, I still need you to fill out this paperwork for me'......and I said, "Ray! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NEED! THAT IS NOT MY JOB! I'M NOT DOING YOUR #$%@& PAPERWORK FOR YOU!"

I smile. Yes, Daisy cottage is slowly fading away, but I desperately want to hang on to the serene fairy tale.

"Mom, there's ENOUGH crap to put up with around here without dad hiring these IDIOTS who think I am some 2-bit blonde, sitting behind a desk, ready to cater to their every little problem!"

The whole time she is ranting, I notice that both of my palm tree plants look as if they are almost dead. The thin leaves are curling up on the ends, begging for water, and perhaps it is already too late. Ginger, Miranda's yorkie, is on the floor on her back and she's making an annoying sound while she rubs herself all over the carpet. "What's wrong with Ginger?" I ask, as my mind sees visions of Maggie, perfect-o, in all her blog photos. "I don't know....she's driving me NUTS! I think she has dry skin or something," she answers. "Not fleas, I hope?" "No, it's not fleas. She just started it yesterday and that whining is running me nutty. I'm going to take her to the vet. What do you want for lunch? I'll go get it.......let's make it a drive thru though, cause it's raining."

"You know, I think you should take up cooking/baking.....you know, like I used to do. Remember when you kids were all home and I made beans, cornbread, roast and potatoes with carrots and onions....eggrolls, enchiladas, banana pudding, special birthday cakes..........I think you'd really like....cooking....homemaking.....there's just nothing quite like......"

"A drive thru," she quips. "Now, what do you want?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*Ray Simon..(name changed to protect the innocent)

Just so I can say, "na-na-na-na-na" I ran outside and took some photos of our plants and I am posting one here!! .......But I am going to have to think long and hard before I get out any pots and pans.

Comments

[Daisy Cottage]

THANK YOU SO MUCH for making me laugh and smile - your wit is adorable and brilliant at the same time- just what the doctor ordered! I have no doubt that your home IS perfect and filled with alot of love! I enjoyed visiting your blog!
xo,
Kim