As January opens the envelope into a New Year, my wish for you is happiness and peace. I hope you can draw hearts in the snow, wear red shoes, and dance for joy for those you love and those who love you back!
Have you ever loved someone with all your heart, only to suddenly realize they do not love you? Heartbreaking, isn't it? Sometimes we give all to a relationship, never realizing the person we are investing our time and energy in is not a person who loves us. Maybe we had their back, but mistakenly believed they had ours as well.
The sad realization comes to us by an event, or perhaps chain of events. A disagreement, a misunderstanding. The person we love becomes unwilling to "go the long haul" and work completely through the misunderstanding or disagreement. In essence, you suddenly realize you are not important enough to them.
Perhaps the one you love (unapologetically) overstepped a boundary, hid something from you, or, simply stuck their nose where it did not belong. Maybe the person you love did not follow through with an agreement. Perhaps you learn a loved one is actually a manipulator who shuffles all the cards in their favor, making sure they always end up with the Ace.
Life is all about one thing: people. We are each responsible for our own destiny, yet do we ever consider the instrumental role we play in other's destinies as well?
Chronic illness can strain relationships to the max. Let's be honest: none of us want to be sick. Nor is it "fun" to care for someone who is sick. Illness, perhaps, is the biggest monkey wrench that can be thrown into a person's life. And when the monkey wrench of illness hits a person, it doesn't stop with that person. Everyone near and dear to the person gets a whack or two as it passes by.
Those who suffer from adhesions also suffer when they "look" well. Abdominal adhesions wreak havoc on internal organs, often shutting down the intestines, which results in nausea and vomiting. But, can those near and dear to the sufferer "see" what is going on inside? No. The sufferer can only explain what they feel.
Adhesion sufferers often have abdominal "attacks" or "spells," as one man recently described a violent and painful bowel obstruction. The sufferer may double over in pain, cry--even scream--yet those who are well in body, yes, even loved ones, may question the pain (person) because they do not actually "see" what is going on INTERNALLY.
If someone says they have cancer, no visual is required. Sympathy/empathy/sadness suddenly spring forth. People are aware of cancer.
Unfortunately, many loved ones begin to pass judgment on someone who is ill and always "complaining" of illness when, by outward appearances, they "look" well. Adhesion sufferers, as well as though who have yet to figure out their pain is adhesions, suffer this judgment. As the painful problem continues, days turn into months and months into years. The red shoes are nowhere to be found and many loved ones become angry as they pick up your "load." Others may simply disappear from your life.
Yet, there are those who will choose to lift you up, go the long haul...regardless of the cost. They hold the red shoes in their hands, believing for you, waiting for the opportunity to slide them back on your feet. In short, they take up the load (yours and theirs), sacrifice it all, and draw a heart in the snow for you while you lie in the bed. They become your eyes and ears, the lifter of your head, the go person, the research person, the call all the doctors person. They too begin to suffer, yet they do not complain. They seek an answer for you. They do not give up. Why? Because you are worth it... simply because they love you. No, it is not easy, but then, life is not easy. Life is, however, about one thing:
People.
Are you holding the red shoes for anyone? If not, should you be?
*Note: The inspiration for this article came about after a conversation with a man who is fighting for his wife as she (they) battle for her life. She suffers from adhesion related disorder.
